About the gardener

This is a really comfortable dress

Hello, my friends!
My name is Matthew Koenig, and I live in Santa Fe, New Mexico, though I also call Portland, Oregon; Stavanger, Norway; New York City; the Nicoya peninsula, Costa Rica; most of the East Coast, half of the West Coast, and parts of Oklahoma and Texas, home.

I’m a contemplative soul, and I appreciate the simple things in life: a long walk in the woods, a cup of yerba mate on a cold winter morning, homemade underpants, antimatter, V-12 British touring sedans, and houses made out of Siberian tiger penises and shredded Guttenberg bibles. If I had to describe myself in 53 words, however, I would say I’m quite energetic, I have a penchant for proper punctuation, I’m fond of both stuffed babarussas and the grand pajandram of the English language, and I positively thrill at the prospect of a New World Order. I don’t like poultry farms, people who feel too much, healing modalities that involve weeping, and the sanctity of free-market capitalism.

Please enjoy my little bits of nonsense. They’re quite silly.


3 Responses to “About the gardener”

  1. jenni August 5, 2010 at 2:46 pm #

    Your layout is very stylish and clean. Like your dress. Well done. Also, cephalopods have beaks.

    • thecramp August 6, 2010 at 2:45 pm #

      Thanks, Jenni. I was SO nervous trying to decide what to wear for this picture. Does it make me look short? Are you telling me cephalopods have beaks for a reason, or did you hear that I made out with one? Because I DIDN’T. Well, not for very long, anyway.

  2. Tim March 8, 2012 at 10:55 pm #

    Having worked with you for almost two months now and having finally found this site I am lead to believe you are in serious need of professional help. And you’re damned funny.

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