How to field dress a squirrel

24 Jul

After tracking and taking down your trophy squirrel, you’ll have to field dress it. While most beginning hunters dread the thought of swimming around in squirrel guts, it will keep your meat from getting gamey.

First, MAKE SURE THE SQUIRREL IS DEAD. Try making the squirrel count backwards from 10. If it gets to 6 or 5, shoot it three more times in the face. Then, kneel on its back and shoot it with a handgun, execution style.

Tie a long rope to the squirrel’s ankles and throw the rope over a tree branch. With some friendly woodland creatures or a 4-wheeler, pull the squirrel up into the air. Now, remove its pants and find its sternum. Cut from sternum to crotch, penetrating the hide and the membrane below. Do not, however, pierce the guts.

Pull out all the guts, while also cutting the membranes linking the innards to the spine.

There! You’re done!

If you want, cut out the squirrel’s liver and eat it. The liver is the part inside the squirrel next to the catchup bottle. This will give you the squirrel’s courage. Many hunters mistake the spleen for the liver, and that’s OK. The spleen will give you the squirrel’s energy, plus a bunch of tapeworms. If you eat the squirrel’s stomach, however, you will get nothing but its chewed up acorns.

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